Like most women, I’ve never really accepted or been happy with my body. Teased as a youth for being tall and skinny, then miserable because I became short and tubby. Then throw in the fact my body has failed me in some SERIOUSLY EPIC WAYS (11 times as a matter of fact) with all our pregnancy issues and miscarriages, and well, I’ve never really accepted or been happy with my body.
But here I am, more than 32 weeks pregnant with twins. And no end in sight.
How lucky can one girl get?
It’s hard to love something you’ve hated so long, but I’m trying.
I’ve tried to let go of the bitterness I feel over my failures, and appreciate the good that’s come of this so far.
(as complicated as this pregnancy has been)
I’ve gone from crying all night long in the dark, wondering if I would EVER feel a baby move inside of me again….
to lying awake all night in the dark, so I don’t miss one single kick or roll from either one of them.
My heart aches for the mommas that want, but don’t get this. My heart aches for the children that I miss.
I may not be the prettiest momma out there. I’m not, by far. I still see my faults and short-comings.
But right now I don’t care.
I’m so proud of my belly.
I am proud of myself.
I feel pretty.
(it took me 20 minutes to write that, by the way)
I’m thankfor for the family and friends around me that helped get me to this place.
And I’m grateful to have the medical staff I do, helping us along the way.
And I am grateful for the two darling children I’m holding hostage in there until mid-March at the earliest.
I don’t know what the future holds for us (Be Strong Cricket!) but we’re all in this together.
You are so very loved.
Love,
Momma
ps – the ice cream? About the only thing I voluntarily have eaten the past 9 months. If I get a plump baby or two out of this, the ice cream is why! lol. It also makes a hormonal momma’ very sappy.
