Thanks in part to my friend “Rock” I’ve been able to hone in on daily life with a toddler, and all it’s challenges.
Here are some of the “conditions” moms are subjected to daily:
The Wet Noddle:
Toddler collapses onto the floor out of protest and/or fatigue. Combined with exhaustion their limp body then goes into containment device, such as their crib, for nap time. This results in a full-on meltdown (toddler and mama both.) ugh. The Wet Noodle.
The Tender Flump:
Toddler realizes you’re not going to let her have more play-dough and instead of painfully flinging one’s self on the floor, Toddler gently lays down on said floor, makes sure head won’t hit anything, and proceeds to loose her chit.
The Early Nipper:
During aformentioned Tender Flump, Haggered Mama contemplates reaching her in apron pocket for a little nip. It’s not 5′oclock anywhere, and the pot roast ain’t gonna cook itself.
Canine Transferance:
Toddler is feeling emotional regarding the removal of [ insert toy name here ] because it’s time to get ready for bed. Innocent Dog meanders through room. Innocent Dog, albeit a stinky farting one, gets cracked over the head with nearest available object. Toddler chuckles at her accomplishments and aim, and attempts to repeat for another giggle.
Beans in your ears:
Toddler is not happy with meal offerings for the Nenth day in a row. Toddler forcibly removes all items from highchair tray, most via Projectile Method, and installs remaining vegetables in one’s ears. Toddler pours milk out on head to make an additional statement.
The Sike Sleep
Naptime cometh. In some cases, the sippy cups are getting cleaned out for chardonnay. Toddler is suspiciously a willing participant, bidding goodnight to the dog, and saying “bye bye” to the fish. Sleep sack and blankets properly applied. Fond words said as mom leaves the room.
10 minutes later Toddler is screaming to get up, and reciting the intro to Yo Gabba Gabba over and over again. Sike. No sleep.
Motherhood. Clearly defined.
